What to do about men who always text but never ask for a date

It’s been a while since I last wrote; it’s been a busy summer of traveling and fixing up our new home.  Whilst our house continues to get a makeover, I thought I’d get back to answering some of your popular dating dilemmas.

One question I’m often asked, especially by newbies to dating is:

‘What can I do if a man continues to text me but isn’t in any rush to progress further?’

Often, she’s conversed with him over the dating site and the conversation has moved to WhatsApp or another chat application.  He keeps writing to her, asking “what are you up to?” or “how’s your day going?” daily.

She’s confused as although he communicates daily, he never asks her for a date.

A few years ago, I remember talking with a lovely client. She was completely new to dating. And, she explained how she’d talked to her ‘boyfriend’ via email for six months.

Here’s the clinger, in the entire six months her ‘boyfriend’ had never taken her out for a date. He’d never even bought her a coffee! They’d never met face to face. Suffice to say she was having a fantasy relationship.

Back to the question: what to do if he keeps writing but doesn’t ask you out?

Here’s how to navigate:

  • Firstly, if you’re in this situation stop replying to his messages. Many girls are afraid to stop replying because she thinks he may lose interest. Backing off in this way, actually, has the opposite effect. Either he’ll step up and ask you out or he’ll simply disappear.
  • From the moment he makes contact with you, he gets four messages to ask you out. If you connect via a dating site or app, he gets four messages to ask you out.  OK, if he takes five messages, that’s OK too.  The point is, it shouldn’t take twenty messages. That because men who are truly interested in you, don’t hang about. The reason they don’t waste time is that of fear! Yes, that’s right, they’re scared. They’re scared to lose you.  In their male mind, they think ‘If I don’t ask her out now, someone else might and then I’ll lose her.’
  • Once you’ve exchanged numbers, there’s no need to carry on texting or messaging! The simple rule of thumb is to ignore all non-date related texts and messages. If he’s trying to take you out, wait 24 hours and write back. Otherwise, forget about him until he asks for a date.

This advice may appear harsh.  In reality, it filters out the time wasters really fast. Try it and you’ll soon see that the interested men act fast. A little like when you’re shopping in the sales and that dress you’ve had your eye on is reduced. You know if you don’t act fast, it’ll be gone. If I see something I like or if I spot a bargain, I actually hold onto it. I’m too scared to put it back on the rack! Someone else might take it and I don’t want to miss out because I didn’t act fast enough.

Dating works in the same way. Men act fast when they want you. On the subject of acting fast. I’m hosting a free online dating webinar explaining how to meet Mr. Right online seamlessly and effortlessly without writing to men first, ever!

There will be two opportunities to attend the training as it’s running on Sunday 24th September and again on  Tuesday 26th September. More details are to follow. There are a limited number of spaces so save the date and be sure to act quickly when I share more details.


India x

One thought on “What to do about men who always text but never ask for a date

  1. Chris

    Absolutely true! Thanks for adding if it takes five or so. My fiance took six exchanges but I could tell he was interested and not a penpal. His comments weren’t small talk, he’d obviously read my profile and was intrigued. Being a CUAO is a mindest that will draw men in. Desperate women give off a vibe. Cast a wide net and remember, they pursue you.

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