Ah, the small stuff. I don’t like the small stuff because it stops you focusing on what’s really important. And I don’t like my clients focusing on the small stuff because it is so inconsequential and a huge waste of their time and energy. I want to knock the small stuff on the head as quickly as I can.
I also want you to know that there is a huge journey ahead of you. And the things you think are important; in the long term, don’t matter one little bit.
Here’s what I mean by the small stuff:
Texts in between dates
Not important! Whether he texts daily, hourly or not at all doesn’t matter as long as he is trying to date you each and every week. On a similar note, don’t worry if you miss his texts. It won’t matter. None of it matters.
Calls in between dates
Not important! Again, it’s dates that are most important. It doesn’t matter how often he calls. Some men like to call and others not so much. Either way, whether he texts or calls and how often aren’t indicative of how he feels about you. Let me explain further. If he texts and calls daily yet isn’t trying to date you? His texts and calls, although regular, don’t mean a thing. Well, actually they mean he isn’t in any rush to pin you down for a date, which means he isn’t into you.
What did he mean when he said xxx or wrote xxx?
Of course this depends on what he said. But for the most part, don’t worry about what he says and don’t worry about deciphering his messages either. It’s not his words that are important, it’s his actions. And the actions we care about are – you guessed it – is he trying to date you each and every week? Men may say ‘I can’t read you’ or ‘I don’t know where I stand with you’, and continue to ask you out!
Equally, he may say “we should meet soon” or “we should spend some time together” yet isn’t in any hurry to plan a date. I coach my clients to completely ignore what a man says and watch his actions.
How should I answer when he asks?
I get asked this a lot, especially if I’m helping my clients navigate a dating situation. I always want to say, “relax, don’t worry if you don’t have an answer, just smile, giggle and sip your drink. If he likes you, he doesn’t care anyway. He’s too busy working out how to ask you for another date.”
In reality, I usually end up writing several different scripts each outlining all the possible scenarios she thinks may occur, which we role play until she’s completely comfortable. Don’t worry if you can’t think of an answer, sometimes silence might be the best answer.
With Christmas only a few weeks away, it feels timely to discuss gifts for him. Again, don’t worry about gifts for him. Men don’t care about material gifts. You’re the gift. All they want is to spend time with you. When I was dating my husband, I gifted him nothing for Christmas. I wasn’t being mean, I didn’t get around to it and it didn’t matter. Now, we’ve been married for four years and I can honestly tell you he doesn’t care about material gifts. He doesn’t even want them.
For all of you dating, there is a huge journey ahead of you. From meeting Mr. Right to navigating the courtship process, which includes everything from creating your online ad to attending singles events, right through to exclusivity, meeting each other’s families, the proposal, engagement, wedding, moving in together and transitioning to married life, and everything that comes in between. It’s a big old journey.
There’s a reason I don’t want you to sweat the small stuff. And that’s because none of it matters! I want you to date smarter and more efficiently, and I want you to get results. I want you happily married to your personal Mr. Right, excited and looking forward to the holiday season.