Whatever you think, do the opposite

New Year Advice


Happy New Year to you!

I planned to write this blog post towards the end of last year but decided this topic might be suited to kick-start the New Year. I’m going to start the New Year by giving you two pieces of advice that a) really work, and b) you can apply to all areas of your life immediately.

One huge positive about working with a coach is that the improvements you make to your relationships will positively affect all areas of your life. For instance, one of my clients applied my teachings to her career and got promoted as a result. Another benefit of working with a coach is that men are the same everywhere, whether at home, at work or within a dating context. Once you understand how men work, you’ll understand that men and women are completely different.

Which leads nicely to our topic today.  Men are completely different to women. They don’t think or feel like us. It’s all biological and evolutionary and there’s nothing we can do to change men. That said, I can empower you with the right techniques and strategies to make your relationships thrive and succeed.  Let’s start here. Let’s start with empowering you to make your relationships work better.

The first ‘tool’ I want you to employ is purely mental. This is how it works: Whatever you think, do the complete opposite.

Let me break this down for you further:

  • If you think you need to text, do the opposite and don’t text him.
  • If you think you need to call, do the opposite and don’t call him. You very rarely need to call men.
  • If you think you need to make the date plans, do the opposite and let him organise the date plans.
  • If you think you need to call him to confirm the date, don’t. Let men take the lead.
  • If you think you need to buy him a Valentine’s Day gift, you don’t.

I’m conscious that it may feel too soon to talk about Valentine’s Day, but, a couple of days before the New Year,  I was running past a local hotel, only to see a huge banner which read “Book now for Valentine’s Day.”  So, if they can talk about Valentine’s Day, I guess I can too! I’ll talk much more about Valentine’s Day in the next few weeks.

For now, let’s continue working on our mindset and doing the opposite of what we think we should do.

  • If you think you need to plan romantic trips away, you don’t. In fact, it’s better to save long trips for your husband
  • If you think you need to spend lots and lots of time together in order to really get to know him, you don’t. Most of ‘falling in love’ happens in between the ‘spaces.’ What this means is that he needs space to miss and think about you.

It’s basic human psychology. I remember reading The Misanthrope at college, I was studying French and The Misanthrope was on the reading list. I don’t have a copy of the book to reference, mainly because I did a huge declutter and donated the majority of my books to charity.  From memory and with a little help from Google….. even Moliére back in 1666 had his characters spend time away from the court. If they were always in court, how would the other courtiers miss them? This truism is as valid in 2018 as it was in 1666 because as human beings we don’t evolve that quickly.

So, in 2018, whatever you think you should do, I want you to pause and then do the complete opposite!

My second tip for the New Year is to act from a place of faith and not fear.

In all your actions, again pause momentarily and ask yourself “am I acting from a place of faith or fear?”  If you don’t trust your ‘mind’ to give you the correct answer, trust your body. Your body will tell you the correct answer. Again, pause for a couple of seconds and listen to your body.   Here are a few ways to practically implement this advice

  • If you think, “he will never travel to me.” Act from a place of faith and not fear and let him travel to you. Trust me, when I tell you that, men will move mountains if they want to be with you.
  • If you think, “all the good men are taken”. Again turn this statement around to one of faith and not fear.

Other ways to implement ‘faith over fear’ to your life, might be applying for the job even though you don’t think you’ll get it, maybe even starting your own business or finally writing that book.

Each day, consciously choose ‘faith over fear’ and notice how the decisions you make for yourself will change.

To recap, my two pieces of advice to kick start 2018 are:

  • Whatever you think, do the opposite
  • In all your actions and thoughts, choose faith over fear.

I’m going to leave you now to implement these two tips. Before I do, I’m excited to announce the date for my next London meet-up – the only meet-up planned for this year. It’s taking place on Thursday 8th March.  If you’ve attended my meet-ups before, you’ll know they’re informal and laid back, with a chance to catch up over a drink or two. There’s no cost other than your own food and drink. If you’re thinking of coming along, do pop the date in your diary and I look forward to seeing you then.



P.S. Remember to mark Thursday 8th March in your diary for our 2018 meet-up. Remember it’s the only meet-up planned for this year!

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