Why do men disappear?

My 5 week “Find Love Online” group program is coming to an end this week.  I’m in the process of wrapping things up with all the incredible women who joined this year’s program. The live Q&A calls have all taken place and the final, “Reclaiming Your Feminine Power” bonus is in their inboxes. I’m planning on running the group program again next year, so until then, it’s back to providing you with dating tips, videos and know-how!

Why do men disappear is a very common question. I explore this in detail within my first book, but in case you don’t have a copy, here’s the answer:

There are a few reasons why men disappear. But the main one is that ‘he’s just not that into you.’  Maybe he didn’t like your look, voice or it could have been something you said.  For example, if you said:

“My family is really important to me and I expect my partner to spend every weekend with my family.”

That would put him off because maybe he’d like to spend the weekend with you, eating, drinking and hanging out.  Perhaps he’d even like to spend the weekend with his family and friends. What if, after a hard week at work, he wants to spend the weekends, watching movies, eating snacks and relaxing?  The above statement also tells him that you prioritise your family and unfortunately, a masculine energy man doesn’t want to be second or third on your list of priorities.

If you like to spend most weekends with your family, he won’t call you back because he doesn’t want to fight over your family. He’ll leave you to meet someone more suitable who doesn’t mind spending weekends with your family.

Generally, men want an easy life.  If you’ve said something that he thinks could be a problem further down the line, he won’t call you back.  He’s not being mean, he’s actually being thoughtful and kind.  He knows you aren’t a ‘fit,’ so why would he call you back?

It’s a little like going to an interview and saying:

“My family and friends are really important to me and I can’t work overtime or weekends.”

During my corporate career, I worked many weekends (often without pay), especially if we had a tight deadline. In some careers, you’re not expected to work weekends and if you do, they reimburse you either with pay or time off in lieu.  Advertising doesn’t work that way. If your weekends are sacred and if you prefer to work a regular 9 to 5 work day, then it’s in your interests to avoid certain professions because those careers and companies aren’t a good ‘fit’ for you.

Here’s another example. Maybe you said:

“I don’t ever want to relocate, I love where I live and never want to move.”

Why would this put him off?

For the same reasons as above. What if he doesn’t like your area or what if he wants to live and work abroad? If you don’t want to relocate, he may not call back because he doesn’t want to fight over where to live.  If his dream is to move abroad and he knows this will be a problem, he’ll leave you to meet someone who is happy to live in your area.

Let me illustrate again by using the job scenario.  This is like telling a potential employer:

“I’m not willing to travel for work, I only want to work for a company which is within close proximity to my home.”

What if the company is looking to cut costs by relocating their offices someplace cheaper? Do you think they would hire you?

Men are usually practical creatures. Masculine energy men are very practical creatures. They know what they want and they don’t stop until they get it. They also won’t date you, especially if they think something you said might cause a problem in the future.

To go back to the interview example; a potential employer may not hire you if they think something you said may become a problem. Hiring the right person for the job is huge! They’re unlikely to take a risk and unlikely to hire you to ‘see how things go.’  Mostly, they want to hire the right person for the job.

Mr Right’s future happiness and future everything depends on finding the right ‘fit’ too.

Does this mean you should be careful with what you say?

This means that you shouldn’t worry when he disappears. He hasn’t called you back because for whatever reason he doesn’t think you’re a fit. He also doesn’t want to waste your time. Remember I said men are practical creatures. This is also why you should never call men first. If he isn’t trying to arrange a date and take you out, this also means that for whatever reason he doesn’t think you’re right for each other.

When he disappears, this isn’t ‘rejection’ it’s ‘protection.’ Don’t get deflated because a few men disappear.  If you’re actively dating, many men will disappear.  Just don’t take it personally because it’s not personal. Remind yourself that, ‘rejection is life’s protection’ and keep getting out there!

Love,

India

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